Quote Of The Week – 19 – 2017
How To Stop Lying To Yourself And Others About Your Life
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”
– Robert L. Stevenson
You have done it again. you lied.
It has become your second nature and you do it several times a day.
Imagine greeting someone or having a little chit-chat:
“How are you doing?”
– “I am fine, and you?”
You would like to say so much more.
You are not fine at all, aren’t you?
You have been lying to yourself and others.
You hate to lie but you know that you are going to do it again.
You have no choice, do you?
What is the point in telling others your innermost problems and desires anyway?
Nobody cares and they have their own problems to worry about.
So it is much easier to keep lying.
But here is the thing:
It frustrates you, and every conversation seems shallow and somewhat pointless.
So does your life which is not going according to plan.
All those dreams you had simply couldn’t keep up with reality.
You wish you could simply say the truth and walk away.
Instead, you need to stay and listen, you hear yourself talking pointless nonsense and wonder when this conversation is going to end.
And here comes the problem:
This is supposed to be normal.
That is just the way it is.
It’s okay to lie.
It’s fine to be frustrated a little bit.
I am fine, and you?
(And the story begins…)
Now let us stop this madness by starting to look at what we are lying about:
6 Big Lies, You Keep Telling Yourself
So what is it actually that we keep lying about?
In short, this could be literally anything.
And more often than not, it happens on a very subtle level that can be hard to detect.
Here are some of the lies you probably keep telling yourself just for the sake of it:
1) I am lucky to have my job. There’s not much else I could do and it helps to pay the bills.
I should consider myself happy to have a job at all.
The truth: You do something you don’t like at all. You help to build someone else’s dream, not your own.
There is no reason for anyone in the entire universe to do something he or she does not want to do. You feel like you can never do what you really want.
You will never be excited about life unless you stop lying to yourself.
If your job decision is just reasonable, you better quit and start living
2) My income is sufficient. My parents have been poor and it is impossible to get rich with my background. I should consider myself happy to have this income which at least enables me to survive.
I should consider myself happy to have this income which at least enables me to survive.
The truth: Your income barely allows you to survive and not to thrive.
The natural state of nature is abundance.
You are far from living an abundant lifestyle and miss a lot of things because you can’t afford them.
Not having enough income is one of the main reasons your relationships to other people suffer unnecessarily.
3) My boss values my work. He needs me to stay where I am. He truly cares about me and there is no one as capable as me.
Although I don’t get a promotion, I should consider myself happy to have such a boss.
The truth: You do only what is required from you because you are not passionate about what you are doing.
You don’t show that you are bigger than the position you have. Therefore, your boss needs you to stay where you are and tells you what you want to hear.
You scare to move on and lose what has become a part of your identity.
Once you were excited about this new position and had to grow and expand to get there, now you just live the same old life instead of moving on.
In nature, stagnation means death because everything else keeps moving.
Even you are not moving back and just stop where you are, everything else keeps moving on which makes you still fall behind.
4) My colleagues value my work and I am a very important part of this company. Without me, many things would go astray. I need to do the extra hours because this is what is expected from me and keeps things ticking over.
I should consider myself happy to have so many nice colleagues and such an important position.
The truth: No one gives a shit when you leave the company. Except for some rare exceptions, the only thing you have in common with your colleagues is your job.
Some people work 10 years or more together without ever getting beyond the small-talk-level.
As soon as you leave the company, the foundation of your relationship is gone.
They are not your friends and you are either in or out, nothing more and nothing less.
The company existed probably before you and five years after you left nobody will remember you.
If you are really that important for the company, you should have no problems to find a better job or to get better conditions to make you stay.
5) My friends have always been there for me when I needed them. They really care about me. I should consider myself happy to have such friends.
The truth: This might be actually true, but not all of it. Here is why:
Every relationship starts because we have something in common with one another.
You might share experiences, interests, or common goals.
More intense experiences mean stronger relationships.
However, we often just like things because of others and to fit in.
You just need to wear your social mask called personality to hide your true self.
Over time you start feeling unhappy about it and may decide to replace the mask or to get rid off it altogether.
The moment you do that, something unwanted happens:
You undermine your existing relationships that have been built on your previous mask, “the old you”.
Your social environment may change significantly so will the people you hang out with.
You stop being the “old you” the moment you become aware of the lies you have been telling yourself.
All the things that have been precious to you before suddenly seem stale and almost unreal.
Your friends start “to worry” about you because you are part of their own identity which gets cracks the moment you change.
You are the average of the five people closest to you.
In order to become your greatest version, you necessarily need to change who you thought you were.
Not realizing that is one of the main reasons why people fail to be successful.
Once you start to change, you begin to grow and you become more authentic.
The moment your inner and outer “self” merge, you no longer need a social mask that hides your inner feelings from the world around you.
Your friends may get inspired and follow you, or turn your back on you because you are no longer like them. True friends, however, will always accept you the way you are.
In order to avoid this discovery, we lie to ourselves that we need our friends and that they are right with their concerns.
Everything simply should stay the way it always was, then everyone will simply be “happy” again, right?
6) I like to spend my time just hanging out. This means watching my favorite series and movies / playing computer games/ checking my phone/ watching TV /cheering my sports club /watch cat videos / going to shopping new clothes / gossiping about others.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against any of these activities.
I love them!
As long as you are aware of why you are really doing them.
Are they a personal reward for your success or ward you off doing something more meaningful? Only you know the answer.)
The truth: Your life bores the hell out of you. Instead of living in the now and living life to its fullest you spend your time getting distracted by all kinds of activities which are never going to fill your inner emptiness.
Your mind may object and say that this is nonsense but your heart will tell you another story if you are ready to listen.
But before your mind even considers more of this crap, you immerse yourself one’s again in the colorful and noisy world of countless distractions.
You literally spend your precious time just to run in circles.
Do you know one of the differences between wealthy and poor people?
Poor people spend their money.
Rich people invest.
Both can expect something in return for it. The difference is with investing is that you can actually get something more valuable than what you have to spend.
This might not always be the case. With spending money, however, it is never the case. You, therefore, could call it
The difference with investing is that you can actually get something more valuable in return than what you have originally paid.
This might not always be the case. With spending money, however, it is never the case. You, therefore, could call it wasting money.
The same applies to your time.
See the time that you have as a massive bank account.
Now ask yourself how you use your time:
Are you spending or investing?
How you twist reality
In a previous post, I have talked about the gap between our expectations and the reality we live in. This gap is called frustration.
The more we expect, or the less our reality meets our expectations, the more we get frustrated.
By lying we try to artificially close the gap and knit the edges together.
One way or another our lies will reveal the truth.
We can either keep lying or be totally exposed, not only in front of others but also in front of our illusionary self-image.
It is hard to tell which one hurts more, but the feeling that everything breaks down and that you lose everything remains the same.
In those moments you should seek wisdom in the nature of glow sticks, which only start to shine after you break them.
Be like like a glowstick!
The alternative would be that you construct a new identity of lies that hides your true nature, but:
Lying is a futile attempt to overcome frustration.
It is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
Lying does not make frustration go away, it just makes it look nice.
The truth about self-improvement
Your “self” is just a construct of your mind.
It is supported by other people’s expectations and your supposed role in society.
As long as you keep up the mask, you keep the lie alive.
The mask is not who you are, only a reflection of how everyone expects you to be, including you.
It simply helps you to fit into societies expectations and your own expectations about your “self”.
As stated above, you need to lie in order to keep the mask shining that hides who you truly are.
And every time you talk about self-improvement you talk about meeting those expectations and ways of exceeding them.
Instead of becoming truly free we decide to decorate our prison cells and call it freedom.
We want to make the face in the mirror smile by bending the surface of the mirror. This is the lie and the mirror our environment.
How can we not realize that the power to change lies within and not in the world around us?
How you lose yourself in the loop
What is the real problem about our frustrations and unmet expectations that cause us to lie in the first place?
Surprisingly, it is not our expectations that are to blame or that we get frustrated with them.
This would be missing the point again. Loopy loop.
What do our frustrations and expectations reveal about us and the way we perceive reality?
We judge each day by what it is offering us!
Focusing only on results means looking backward.
We live in the past and rely on actions we no longer can influence.
The results most often never fit our expectations and keep us frustrated.
And ss soon as our expectations are met, we stop!
Somehow we managed to get something positive but we stop creating it by seeing this success as final.
This means more frustration. And more frustration means more lying.
The loop goes on and on.
We depend on the world around us and need to lie in order to hide our frustration about how we feel about it.
How to stop lying to yourself and others about your life
By not relying upon today’s outcome you free yourself from the necessity to lie. As we discussed above, we lie because we want to adjust the mismatch of our expectations and reality.
If you don’t expect anything from today, you stop being subconsciously frustrated about it.
The next step is to focus on what you are planting today.
What are you doing today to make tomorrow a better reality for you?
How to break free of your own fools game
So what should you do to end this madness of self-deception?
Take result oriented actions towards a bigger goal.
If you are on a personal journey such as becoming your greatest version you no longer need to lie.
While you are working on your dream you use the infinite possibilities that each moment provides in order to manifest the one reality you truly desire.
As long as you keep planting the seeds of tomorrow of your own design, you are on a journey of growth.
You no longer need to care about what today has to offer because you embrace the infinity of the eternal present moment which holds everything you can dream of.
With this in mind, let’s imagine again being asked how you are doing:
Instead of lying to yourself and others, you honestly and proudly can say that you are BEING and DOING awesome.
It is getting better every day and it has been a hell of a journey, but it is absolutely worth it.
Now you have been talking the truth.
You are honest to yourself and others, and you can be absolutely proud of it!
The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.
And you no longer worry about it or get frustrated over it.
You decide what you want and act as if it were impossible to fail.
The only impossible journey is the one you never begin.
But you no longer worry about it or get frustrated over it.
You have transformed the old you and unleashed your huge potential within.
You are being passionate about your life which simply feels awesome because you know what your goals are and where your journey is leading.
Your innermost desires are on the top of your daily agenda.
You take daily action to make it happen, step by step, day by day.
You have realized that not what you say matters, but only what you are doing. And you are doing stunningly great each and every day.
More so, you inspire others to overcome their own problems and self-set limitations. You actually care and they can’t thank you enough for it.
You are not doing what is easy, but what is right.
You do more than what is required and give always more than you have to.
Society’s expectations no longer affect you, only how you perform compared to your internal yardstick.
You are in charge and everything goes according to plan.
You are living the dream and reality has trouble catching up with you.
You are living the truth.
Start your holistic life transformation and change your life today to become your greatest version.
Let’s make this world a better place by being honest with ourselves and facing the truth with all consequences.
Decide what you want, and then act as if it were impossible to fail.
Have a wonderful week my friend!