Quote Of The Week – 18 – 2017
8 Unexpected Reasons Why You Feel Frustrated And One Way To Get Over It
“Frustration is a function of our expectations, and our expectations are often a reflection of the social mirror rather than our own values and priorities.”
― Steven Covey
Over the last week, I got frustrated quite a few times. This happens when things are not going according to plan and we feel like that other people do whatever they want with our life.
We are pushed out of our comfort zone and then things happen we don’t want to happen and we need to do things we don’t want to do.
In short, things are not going according to plan. Our expectations of a situation and reality are not in alignment. And the bigger the deviation is, the more we get frustrated.
You can define the feeling of frustration as s result of not being able to satisfy your needs, wants, or desires through your own actions and efforts.
So before we look at how to overcome frustration, we are going to look at the causes for it. Understanding why we are frustrated is the first step overcoming it.
Very often, it is not the situation that is to blame but how we perceive this situation and what kind of underlying and unmet expectations keep us frustrated.
1) Lack of excitement
Imagine it is Monday and you need to go to work.
Many people have a negative association with Monday because this is the day they have to go back to work.
They expect negative things to happen like waking up too early, being stuck in traffic, and doing work they are not passionate about to put it politely.
While the weekend represents the freedom to do whatever you want, it is Monday’s work that pulls you down to earth again.
You are forced to fit into a society that is not in alignment with who you are. You feel that you are a victim of the circumstances and that there is nothing you can do about it.
You simply give in and seek pleasure in the comfort of your daily routines. You run on autopilot for the majority of your time but think that you are still in charge.
You convince yourself of the necessity of all of this and that you do live a good life, even you don’t feel that way.
In order to survive the rest of the week, you try to find recognition at your work and identify yourself with your job. This is fine as long as your expectations meet your desired reality.
The problem is that you limit your life to your own expectations. In case those expectations are not met, you feel frustrated. In case you meet your expectations you most likely feel trapped and want more. This frustrates you as well.
The distractions you seek are an attempt to fill an inner emptiness and to run away from the responsibility you have of your life.
Every Monday we leave the safe haven we call weekend setting always the same course. We can never reach new land if we stay on the same course and return to the same haven.
Sometimes there are heavy storms looming in the sky and sometimes they carry us away from the comfort of what is known to us.
But instead of setting sail on a new course when the sea is calm, we wait for the inevitable change that will occur when we are least prepared for it.
We are frustrated not having the courage to try something new. We give in every week to what we think we have to do instead of what we desire deep within, which is the desire to explore what lies beyond the horizon and to become our greatest version.
2) Lack of serenity
Many of us live a noisy life. By noise, I don’t just refer to sound but also to our thoughts and our state of mind. We are constantly bombarded with information and stimuli of all sorts.
On top of that we are taking it all in and continue to process and analyze everything, we are constantly freaking out about the tiniest little things.
We are constantly on fire and in emergency mode. Any minor variation of an unreachable false ideal is perceived as noise and causes more noise in our head.
Any minor variation of an unreachable false ideal is perceived as noise and causes more noise in our head. At some point, people cannot live with this noise anymore. They try to find calmness inside and outside of them.
Many people cannot stand the silence. They have become so used to the noise in their lives that they are unable to be still. In their attempt to avoid this inner stillness they create more noise inside and outside of them.
Many people cannot stand the silence and always need someone being around or to turn on some music or sound. This is also related to being scared of darkness and the need to turn on the light on every occasion.
They have become so used to the noise in their lives that they are unable to be still and actually enjoy it. In their attempt to avoid this inner stillness they create more noise inside and outside of them.
People who become aware of that get either frustrated by other “noisy” people, or by not being able to find calmness within themselves.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t ask you to sit alone in the dark. But on the other hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it if you are able to listen to the silence and embrace it.
The extent to which you are scared of silence or darkness is not related to the lack of sound or light. The perceived emptiness is always a reflection of your inner emptiness and the more empty you feel inside of you, the more you will scare the darkness or silence.
As soon as you become more aware of who you truly are, you will be able to embrace the silence because it allows you to BE more with you. You realize that everything is connected, and this will open the door to serenity in your life.
3) Lack of time
Do you feel sometimes that you have no time for yourself?
In our frantic attempts to get nowhere fast we feel always busy and behind schedule. However, as soon as we have some time left we can’t wait to distract ourselves with all kinds of useless activities.
I am not talking about just relaxing and having some fun but about our addiction to constantly consuming media of all kind.
Many of us simply can’t do without it anymore. They are addicted without being aware of it, yet they feel empty and unsatisfied.
We end up being stressed by minor things and being “busy” all the time, just for the sake of it. Being busy these days is associated with being successful or important.
It has become a part of our self-identification to be busy/important, at least this is what we keep telling ourselves.
In the end, we still end up being frustrated because time is running so incredibly fast with us being distracted all the time.
In the rare occasions when we wake up out of this, we promise that we are going to get started tomorrow, next week, or next month.
The problem is, tomorrow is never going to arrive. You have only now and will always have.
We subconsciously expect that tomorrow, next month, or next year everything is going to get better.
But here is the truth:
This is simply a lie that your mind is telling you in order to avoid living in the present moment.
Or to say it with the words of Karen Lamb:
But as soon as this moment arrives, you will convince yourself that you have just been busy and that you will start tomorrow.
How busy are you?
4) Lack of money
Money or the lack of it are one of the biggest reasons for conflict that I know of. In my family, it has always been an issue and I know this is the case for many others as well.
The truth is, many people simply cannot deal with money. As soon as we get a bit more of it, we spend it on stuff we don’t need.
We constantly spend to live a lifestyle close to 100% of our budget or even higher. As soon as there are additional unexpected costs showing up or we get less money than we used to get, we have to make debts.
Over time we make more and more debts with ever decreasing chances of paying them back. Actually, it is the most simple thing to do: You can only spend what you have. If you don’t have it, you cannot spend it.
The easiest way to deal with your finances is to have a budget for each week or month. Simply record how much you spend on a weekly basis for stuff you really need like food, fuel, etc.
Then see what else you spend your money on and write it down every single day for an entire month. You will notice some expenses that have been unnecessary.
These expenses you need to cut out the next time. So once you know what you spend, you can create a budget for the next time period.
You can have a budget for different cost categories. Everything not within the budget simply has to wait.
You can also have a budget to pay back your debts and to pay money to your emergency bank account which you will only touch in an emergency. I will go much more into details with this in a separate post.
For now, simply start to look at what you spend your money on and if it is truly necessary. Then make a plan how much money you need right now to cover your expenses and create a budget.
This is actually not very hard to do, and yet most people have overflowing debts and this, of course, causes a lot of frustration.
5) Lack of success
If we are not successful, or at least not as successful as we may have wished once in our life, then we still can get along with it. But when people we know become more successful than we are, then we get frustrated.
This frustration may be expressed in form of envy or a feeling of unfairness. We may justify the success of others with them being simply lucky.
Or we wait for them to have a tough time only to say that we knew it before that it is going to be hard and that they cannot be successful and happy at the same time or stuff like that.
So you may not be that successful but at least everything in your life is at least still “normal”.
Well, whatever reasons and justifications your mind comes up with, you cannot deny the sometimes subtle feeling of frustration that comes along with it.
You are never going to be successful unless you get aware of the most overlooked reason why you fail to be successful.
And remember that happiness is the highest form of success and also what wealth is about.
6) Lack of conformity
In a previous post, I have talked about how we keep identifying ourselves with our outside world, our body, and the feelings we have.
In consequence, we also act and behave differently with specific people and in specific situations.
We slip into our roles of being a client, colleague, friend, tourist, daughter, son (in law), and so on. Some of these masks feel more and some less familiar with who we truly are.
But a mask always is a mask and can never replace our true being. As long as we feel the need to fit into societies expectations we will continue to feel frustrated about it.
The reason is that we cannot meet all of those expectations. And some of the expectations we may fulfill can still cause frustration because we need to wear an uncomfortable mask that is not representing our true self.
We feel that we either don’t fit in, or we fit in but don’t feel happy about it. It is never going to be enough until we stop playing the game of others and start our own game.
As soon as we no longer build someone else’s dream but our own by doing what we are passionate about, we don’t need to fit in any longer.
Instead of following the crowd, we step out of it and go our own way which resembles who we are.
This is when you can leave behind all masks and anything that is no longer serving you on your way to true greatness and in becoming your greatest version.
7) Lack of gratitude
I have written a post about how gratitude gives you full control over your life.
As long as we are in control, we are not frustrated.
If frustration is caused by unmet expectations then being grateful means to have met all expectations or having none in the first place.
Therefore, while being in a state of gratitude we cannot be frustrated. And when you are frustrated, you are not grateful.
8) Lack of understanding
Nobody understands me.
This is a feeling that many of us have. When we feel that we are not appreciated or that people simply get wrong what we have to say, then this can be very frustrating.
It might be that we try to convince them of something or that we simply try to break out of the social conditioning that we call our personality.
Some people simply don’t get it. They don’t listen and even presented with the most fundamental logic and reasons they simply don’t care. Very often this is also the case when talking to parents or family.
We may blame them to not allow us to follow our dreams or to always act against our desires. We get frustrated that they don’t see what we mean and there seems to be no way to change their point of view.
Sometimes, instead of being right, it is better to be kind.
We don’t need to talk about our intentions, and we don’t need to convince anybody. This takes more energy than actually getting started and keeps us stuck and frustrated.
Finally, we end up blaming others for not believing in us and sabotaging our motivation.
So instead of making others understand, make sure that you do! Once you truly understand what you get yourself into, you don’t need others to convince or to support you.
It is important to talk to the right people because anyone but a true expert in a certain field is simply not the right person to talk to, even, or especially when it is our family and friends.
Their best-intended advice might simply be not the answer you were looking for. Therefore, you need to ask the right people that have walked the same way before you and have succeeded.
If you want to start your own business or your own blog, and nobody you know has done so before, then they simply cannot give you the right advice. They most likely will say that it is too risky and not safe.
And it is also pointless to convince them. Therefore, the best way to be successful is to keep your goals secret and ask the right people for advice.
This will avoid you getting frustrated and produce some real results.
How to get over your frustration
You see that all of the frustrations are caused by a lack of something. So simply take away the “lack of” and see what remains. This is not just a stupid play on words, as you may object.
In essence, once you identified what causes you to be frustrated you can focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
Very often, we are frustrated by unmet expectations and frightened by the probable outcomes.
Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen to you right now, and what would be so bad about it?
Once you ask what would be the worst thing to happen right now, you will see that it is actually not too bad. Nothing is ever as bad as we imagine and most of the time it is just that: imagination.
So let go of what keeps you frustrated by accepting it and focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
Start your holistic life transformation and change your life today to become your greatest version. Let’s make this world a better place by understanding and overcoming what keeps us and others frustrated.
Have a wonderful week my friend! Thank you for reading and sharing!